I just ate lava and my heads on fire

The other day I heard quite the commotion outside my house. I heard sirens, the blaring horn of fire trucks, the howl of dogs responding to said sirens etc. Naturally, being the intrepid (read – stupid) person that I am I immediately got up to go investigate. My boys were with me and wanted to go outside with me. I told them to stay inside. They asked why with that ever so innocent look that only kids can pull off. (I seriously wish I could still pull off that look. It would be soooooo handy in so many situations!) Trying to look important and fearless I puffed out my chest (STOP LAUGHING) and told them “it might be dangerous”. They of course replied “then why are you going out there” with the same look. “Because I ‘m curious” I cleverly replied. A soon as I said it I realized how dumb it was. I looked at the kids to see if they bought it… Nope. They both had huge smiles on their faces like someone who was just about to scream out “CHECKMATE” and then do the mocking jig. What followed was a short staring contest. They knew they had me, I knew they had me. They just stared at me as if to say “do we really need to shoot down that lest feeble comment dad, I mean, really?”


I caved first. “let’s go” I said with a sigh. That’s when things got weird.


Outside there was a fire truck just parked outside my house looking in our direction. I looked at the houses on either side of me. Nothing. No fire, no bodies, no commotion, no nothing. I looked back at the fire truck. They were still looking in my direction. That was about the time that the hair on the back of my neck started to stand up. I mean, what were they waiting for? Was my house about to burst into flame? Did they know something I didn’t know but REALLY NEEDED to know? I stared. They stared. I whipped around and looked at my house. No flames. That’s good, right? So what where they waiting for? I swear if I was a cat right then my tail would have been all bushy. They remained there for about five minutes. Five long minutes. Now five minutes may not seem like a long time to you but when you think your house is about to go all fireball on you five minutes is a LIFETIME. After five minutes they slowly pulled away and left. No sirens, no horns, no loud radio sending them somewhere else. Total weirdness. My kids asked what happened. I told them I didn’t know. They gave me that look. I think I lost a few points that day.

But I still have my house.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.