Chaos incarnate

This morning I woke up early, worked out, made my lunch for work, had breakfast and was relaxing on my couch waiting for my golden boys to show up so I could take them to school. Onyx is curled up next to me snoozing while I read my Shutterbug magazine.


Suddenly – BOOM – the door blasts open and my dual Tasmanian devils EXPLODE into my house. Backpacks go flying across the room, shoes eject from their feet to land near the tv and near the couch. I duck for cover and Onyx yelps and bolts for her crate. A lunch bag lands near the stairwell and their booming voices shout out a what I think might have been a primeval war cry (or maybe it was a weird hello – not really sure) as they head for the playroom to grab some toys and flip on video games. Then the cries of FEED ME reverberate through my previously quiet home along with cries of “HEY, THAT’S MY TOY – GIVE IT BACK!” and of course the follow up cries of “IT IS NOT, I GOT THIS FOR MY BIRTHDAY” then, of course the predictable add on of (in stereo) “DAD!!! HE’S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!”

I looked at my watch. Only 20 seconds had passed. I looked around at the destruction of my, previously, clean home. I was stunned. How is this possible? There was no WAY I was like this as a kid! (Mom, you keep out of this!) I sat for a few seconds longer in quiet awe. Then Nicky came around the corner to see why I hadn’t yet catered to his every whim. “DAD” he said, WHY HAVEN’T YOU MADE ME MY MEAL, GOT MY TOY BACK, FOUND MY SHOES, AND… (I still don’t know why kids can’t speak below a dull roar…)

Then he saw the look in my eye. That slow, smoldering feral look that speaks volumes. As they say, beware the wrath of a quiet man. He stopped in his egocentric tirade. He stepped back a few steps. “uh, Dad?” I said nothing. I just looked at him and my face slowly split into a maniacal, evil smile. A little more urgently “UH, DAD? DAD?!” Then he actually came up with a good idea. He ran. He ran screaming at Jimmy. “HIDE JIMMY! DAD’S GONE CRAZY AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!!! I came off the couch like a shot. They made it to the kitchen before I got my hands on a nerf gun. I came around the corner with both barrels blazing hot spongy death. They shrieked with laughter and ran for their own nerf guns. Thus started the first, post school, nerf gun war of Aug 2010. It was bloody and ran for some time. But was it worth it? Oh yes my friends, it was. It was.

Kids make life worthwhile!! And here is my golden boy Nicky trying to water ski.

Have a fast, fun and frothy day!